Maybe Holidays Can Just End Now
Yesterday (31/05/2014) was great. Met Hou Yen for dinner and I like the talk we had - discussing about some of our platoon mates. Nothing evil, just some unbiased candor views. He is someone whom I am certain I will keep in touch with. Actually I had nothing planned for the night after meeting him, but there was a twist. A friend of his who he has not seen for a period time happened to drop by Singapore for 2 days and wanted to see him. Since he had to leave earlier than what could have been possible, I decided to go to the airport to see Jason off. It was a pretty good segue, though I had to wait for Jason for 45 minutes. It was still worth it. The last time I had some alone time with him was last year. He was heading to Netherlands, and then Spain and Portugal. I was envious more than anything.
I have been having difficulty sleeping since I forgot when. Siestas are fine though. The time I doze off nowadays is around 2am. My minds just fills with disappointment and recollections. I really wish I have an off switch. People know I think too much. Yes they are spot on, but I also don't want to, and I believe they don't really understand me. Like Wai Hou once said, one day he'll invite me to his house to see his fish tank or go out and have durian. "Life's a drama, we're unrehearsed. Hope for the best but expect the worst." Indeed, I hope that this miraculous day will arrive, but...
You know when someone says things in a fit of anger, he or she doesn't really mean it, and you should try to understand and forgive. I'll give a scenario to illustrate. A person says to the group, "I don't know! Take me out of the planning and go for the trip yourselves!" If I were the frustrated fella, I would be saddened or angered if the group really took my words literally and kick me out. This is because it did not end amicably. If I know I am a burden, I should tell the group (in a sober, calm state of mind without bearing grudges) that they should proceed without me. Then, there is a difference. The group can then make their plans without having to worry about me. Worst thing is when those burden don't speak up. It's hard for you to probe again. They might flare up once more, worse still, endanger the tie between the both of you. I strongly believe there is a post-ORD syndrome. For a period of time you feel empty or something is amiss. That's why when you wait till ORD to make future plans, it might be too late.
On Thursday, I gave up a possible chance to go HK. I have always wanted to go HK, but HK's weather isn't very ideal now, plus I prefer to go on another trip with another group of people. Though it is left hanging now and unlikely to realize, I won't regret it, because I chose what I wanted. I also choose to treat some people extraordinarily nicely. It can be unfortunate and depressing, however. Some take it for granted, some forget what I have done, some fail to see my efforts.
I am a fool who tends to treat those undeserving people better than those more deserving ones. There are some undeserving ones who I've stopped being so nice to. Since I cannot really control my heart and mind, I guess I've to suffer ungratefulness thoroughly till my heart and mind decide to send a signal for me to stop. Pathetic.
I have been having difficulty sleeping since I forgot when. Siestas are fine though. The time I doze off nowadays is around 2am. My minds just fills with disappointment and recollections. I really wish I have an off switch. People know I think too much. Yes they are spot on, but I also don't want to, and I believe they don't really understand me. Like Wai Hou once said, one day he'll invite me to his house to see his fish tank or go out and have durian. "Life's a drama, we're unrehearsed. Hope for the best but expect the worst." Indeed, I hope that this miraculous day will arrive, but...
You know when someone says things in a fit of anger, he or she doesn't really mean it, and you should try to understand and forgive. I'll give a scenario to illustrate. A person says to the group, "I don't know! Take me out of the planning and go for the trip yourselves!" If I were the frustrated fella, I would be saddened or angered if the group really took my words literally and kick me out. This is because it did not end amicably. If I know I am a burden, I should tell the group (in a sober, calm state of mind without bearing grudges) that they should proceed without me. Then, there is a difference. The group can then make their plans without having to worry about me. Worst thing is when those burden don't speak up. It's hard for you to probe again. They might flare up once more, worse still, endanger the tie between the both of you. I strongly believe there is a post-ORD syndrome. For a period of time you feel empty or something is amiss. That's why when you wait till ORD to make future plans, it might be too late.
On Thursday, I gave up a possible chance to go HK. I have always wanted to go HK, but HK's weather isn't very ideal now, plus I prefer to go on another trip with another group of people. Though it is left hanging now and unlikely to realize, I won't regret it, because I chose what I wanted. I also choose to treat some people extraordinarily nicely. It can be unfortunate and depressing, however. Some take it for granted, some forget what I have done, some fail to see my efforts.
I am a fool who tends to treat those undeserving people better than those more deserving ones. There are some undeserving ones who I've stopped being so nice to. Since I cannot really control my heart and mind, I guess I've to suffer ungratefulness thoroughly till my heart and mind decide to send a signal for me to stop. Pathetic.
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