Thank U, Next
The following incident happened a few days ago: Long story short, I wanted to ask a friend out since we've never contacted for a long time - almost 3 years. (And the last time, I asked him if he wanted to go overseas together.) It did not end well because he thought I was trying to "pick a fight" and felt "uncomfortable" with the way I typed. In the end he was agreeable to meet, but I didn't bother replying to his message anymore.
Dear Wei Xun, if someone says something along the lines of, "Why you don't bother contacting me", the person more likely misses you (don't read too deep into the word "misses") and is feeling sad that he/she is not hearing from you, rather than wanting to "pick a fight". Anyone should really consider themselves lucky if they have someone saying this to them. You know you sometimes can't correctly interpret the tone over messaging platforms, so you shouldn't try to interpret it the negative way. Like what I've said, let's say if a closer person had same the same things as me to you, you might not have reacted so strongly.
I jolly well know that all these nonsense could be averted if I had simply said, "Hello Wei Xun, haven't seen you for a long time. Would you like to meet?" Then your question would be, "So since you know, why didn't you do it this way?" How tiring it is, not being able to be yourself and having to watch every word you say when talking to a friend... Do you think that when people don't make such complaints, they do not feel this way in their hearts? (There is also a possibility that they actually don't give a hoot.) I am straightforward, but sometimes I know not to say certain things. Well, I guess you just don't understand me well enough/picture me too negatively. Complaining that you don't ask me out is not a form of attack, I believe? Really don't understand your overreaction.
I also don't understand the bulk of your long message. You mentioned that I "scrutinize" your words to make you seem "ignorant or offensive". If I had ever made you feel ignorant, you should've sounded out, but you did not. If you were saying that solely based on the latest conversation, I seriously do not know which part made you feel that way. Do you always jump to conclusions or are quick to fire up? And then, I've never found you offensive, so why would you say I make you seem offensive? Unless you are indeed offensive and you feel guilty about it?
Lastly, I messaged you immediately upon learning that you lost a family member in 2018, and you didn't bother messaging me when you had already known about my AML condition some time ago. Please spare me the bullshit of losing my contact because you switched from iOS to Android and you can't sync contacts over. You can always resort to Facebook Messenger, or find my number from the whatsapp group we still share. There are ways; it all depends on willingness. I don't, and can't blame you for being unwilling, but it becomes unfair when you come up with lame excuses to make me look like the bad guy for simply wanting to meet up. What do I mean by this? When I typed "didn't bother saving (my number)?" (that was a joke), you replied that you lost my contact and that you felt "uncomfortable" with the way I communicate.
Some onlookers might think that this Jun Wei is fucked up, always messing up relationships. I think everyone loses friends, just that I tend to document my experiences openly. I think I am brave, for being willing to show my frail side and face reality head-on. I find it cathartic to talk about bad experiences in life, that's why you read many negative stuff over here. I can't guarantee that unhappy stuff will stop overpowering the happy stuff here but I learnt that I should share more pleasantries with people when I meet them face to face.
Wei Xun, you are not the first friend I've lost, and you won't be the last. You can now join the ranks of Chin Foong, Keng Hwee, and Swee Ling, just to name a few. Not that you care anyway. Shrugs
"Why so serious~ So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways"
Dear Wei Xun, if someone says something along the lines of, "Why you don't bother contacting me", the person more likely misses you (don't read too deep into the word "misses") and is feeling sad that he/she is not hearing from you, rather than wanting to "pick a fight". Anyone should really consider themselves lucky if they have someone saying this to them. You know you sometimes can't correctly interpret the tone over messaging platforms, so you shouldn't try to interpret it the negative way. Like what I've said, let's say if a closer person had same the same things as me to you, you might not have reacted so strongly.
I jolly well know that all these nonsense could be averted if I had simply said, "Hello Wei Xun, haven't seen you for a long time. Would you like to meet?" Then your question would be, "So since you know, why didn't you do it this way?" How tiring it is, not being able to be yourself and having to watch every word you say when talking to a friend... Do you think that when people don't make such complaints, they do not feel this way in their hearts? (There is also a possibility that they actually don't give a hoot.) I am straightforward, but sometimes I know not to say certain things. Well, I guess you just don't understand me well enough/picture me too negatively. Complaining that you don't ask me out is not a form of attack, I believe? Really don't understand your overreaction.
I also don't understand the bulk of your long message. You mentioned that I "scrutinize" your words to make you seem "ignorant or offensive". If I had ever made you feel ignorant, you should've sounded out, but you did not. If you were saying that solely based on the latest conversation, I seriously do not know which part made you feel that way. Do you always jump to conclusions or are quick to fire up? And then, I've never found you offensive, so why would you say I make you seem offensive? Unless you are indeed offensive and you feel guilty about it?
Lastly, I messaged you immediately upon learning that you lost a family member in 2018, and you didn't bother messaging me when you had already known about my AML condition some time ago. Please spare me the bullshit of losing my contact because you switched from iOS to Android and you can't sync contacts over. You can always resort to Facebook Messenger, or find my number from the whatsapp group we still share. There are ways; it all depends on willingness. I don't, and can't blame you for being unwilling, but it becomes unfair when you come up with lame excuses to make me look like the bad guy for simply wanting to meet up. What do I mean by this? When I typed "didn't bother saving (my number)?" (that was a joke), you replied that you lost my contact and that you felt "uncomfortable" with the way I communicate.
Some onlookers might think that this Jun Wei is fucked up, always messing up relationships. I think everyone loses friends, just that I tend to document my experiences openly. I think I am brave, for being willing to show my frail side and face reality head-on. I find it cathartic to talk about bad experiences in life, that's why you read many negative stuff over here. I can't guarantee that unhappy stuff will stop overpowering the happy stuff here but I learnt that I should share more pleasantries with people when I meet them face to face.
Wei Xun, you are not the first friend I've lost, and you won't be the last. You can now join the ranks of Chin Foong, Keng Hwee, and Swee Ling, just to name a few. Not that you care anyway. Shrugs
"Why so serious~ So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways"
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