Cause You Had a Bad Day
The end of mid terms (sort of), calls for celebration. But I don't deserve to rejoice for long, and the Math modules are the cause. MA1100: While it's true that the cohort averaged on 30/120 and did not fare well in general, there are people who managed to clinch full marks. It's the feeling of "Why can they do it but I can't?" MA1101R: Did not feel really slaughtered by the paper, but every one else felt the same as me, if not better. Seemed like they could do everything, and I felt like I'm gonna fall under the lower half of the cohort. The answer key was uploaded soon after the paper ended. Didn't even bother to look at it. MA1102R: Most confident out of the 3 Math papers, but screwed it. This is pathetic but I'm just hoping for a pass for 1101 and 1102 for now.
Was overwhelmed by sadness and loneliness upon arriving to school one day and not seeing a single OG mate in the canteen. Without OG mates in this course equates to being friendless. There's one queer friend with the same major, and two friends in Statistics, but, yes it's considered friendless. Hard to befriend strangers. No projects to bring us together anyway. Don't even dare to partake in activities outside the curriculum to get to know more people. I wonder how those supermen and wonderwomen juggle a myriad of activities and still score well academically. So it's neither this nor that. So since I'm investing all my energy on studies alone, shouldn't I not be getting this kind of shitty results? I don't know what the heck am I doing. University life seems so insipid right now. I kind of miss having things planned out for me and having a form class. So afraid to venture into the bleak and helpless future. And, I don't know how to express myself clearly, so I'll just leave a quote, "For all whom you've stood up for, you wonder who will stand up for you."
Met a friend on Saturday. Her mentality about the human race has definitely changed a great deal since I met her last year. She deleted her blog, deleted all photos in Facebook, locked her Instagram, basically just hyper inactive on social media in the name of "not leaving digital footprints." She talked to me about hackers cum criminals being able to gather information about you from various platforms and forge your identity and inflicting harm on your loved ones. It sucks to be under close scrutiny and being exposed but I still think that deleting all photos is extreme. Perhaps this act can be seen as not having a Facebook account at all, just like a decade ago. Life managed to go on. But the very act of obliterating every single photo, is something else. Underlying message telling us the world might have become uglier. So ugly that it instills such strong fear in people, so ugly that it forces people to lose faith in humanity and resort to drastic measures to safeguard their well-being. Perhaps this is why we might evolve to become more egocentric. At the very least, there are still some people whom she trusts, and I'm glad about that.
Sometimes, like now, I feel that it doesn't pay to be nice. Sometimes money lent is money thrown into the sea. At least 2 weeks already, and today can still claim never forget. "People do not remember the 100 times you've helped them, but the only time you didn't." Putting this quote here, goes two ways. One, suppose next time I refuse to lend these two friends money, then they might see me as a scrooge. Two, yes, the bad images of people do get etched in my mind, perhaps more than the good ones. And this kind of thing builds up, you know? I wonder if this is the reason why I can't really strike a conversation when I see them. Subconsciously perceiving them being "bad friends" and don't bother to talk.
And those who open cafes just for the sake of easy money, I hope they run of business soon. Can tell, because the food gets from ok to rubbish. So, cafe hoppers need to be discreet. Not all "hipster" places are worth going.
Was overwhelmed by sadness and loneliness upon arriving to school one day and not seeing a single OG mate in the canteen. Without OG mates in this course equates to being friendless. There's one queer friend with the same major, and two friends in Statistics, but, yes it's considered friendless. Hard to befriend strangers. No projects to bring us together anyway. Don't even dare to partake in activities outside the curriculum to get to know more people. I wonder how those supermen and wonderwomen juggle a myriad of activities and still score well academically. So it's neither this nor that. So since I'm investing all my energy on studies alone, shouldn't I not be getting this kind of shitty results? I don't know what the heck am I doing. University life seems so insipid right now. I kind of miss having things planned out for me and having a form class. So afraid to venture into the bleak and helpless future. And, I don't know how to express myself clearly, so I'll just leave a quote, "For all whom you've stood up for, you wonder who will stand up for you."
Met a friend on Saturday. Her mentality about the human race has definitely changed a great deal since I met her last year. She deleted her blog, deleted all photos in Facebook, locked her Instagram, basically just hyper inactive on social media in the name of "not leaving digital footprints." She talked to me about hackers cum criminals being able to gather information about you from various platforms and forge your identity and inflicting harm on your loved ones. It sucks to be under close scrutiny and being exposed but I still think that deleting all photos is extreme. Perhaps this act can be seen as not having a Facebook account at all, just like a decade ago. Life managed to go on. But the very act of obliterating every single photo, is something else. Underlying message telling us the world might have become uglier. So ugly that it instills such strong fear in people, so ugly that it forces people to lose faith in humanity and resort to drastic measures to safeguard their well-being. Perhaps this is why we might evolve to become more egocentric. At the very least, there are still some people whom she trusts, and I'm glad about that.
Sometimes, like now, I feel that it doesn't pay to be nice. Sometimes money lent is money thrown into the sea. At least 2 weeks already, and today can still claim never forget. "People do not remember the 100 times you've helped them, but the only time you didn't." Putting this quote here, goes two ways. One, suppose next time I refuse to lend these two friends money, then they might see me as a scrooge. Two, yes, the bad images of people do get etched in my mind, perhaps more than the good ones. And this kind of thing builds up, you know? I wonder if this is the reason why I can't really strike a conversation when I see them. Subconsciously perceiving them being "bad friends" and don't bother to talk.
And those who open cafes just for the sake of easy money, I hope they run of business soon. Can tell, because the food gets from ok to rubbish. So, cafe hoppers need to be discreet. Not all "hipster" places are worth going.
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