Thinking Nights Like This
Tonight is one of those sleepless nights. I just sit alone on the sofa in the living room, sometimes zoned out, sometimes preoccupied by a plethora of thoughts. Some sort of emptiness after quitting the job. I wonder if I should just laze around for the remaining time till school starts. Not totally laze around also, as in, start self-study or do something constructive at home. It has been a long time since I added new words to my vocabulary bank book, or even revise for the matter. I started reading mathematics while I was still in army, but have halted for a long time. No consistency, which is very bad. Feeling apprehensive about the start of university too. Low self-esteem/low confidence - feelings of inferiority gnaw at me. Went for medical checkup at NUS yesterday, and I totally didn't feel the anticipation of attending school anymore. I think some schooling day I will just breakdown and cry. But that's really extreme. Will need time to find that right feeling and face challenges gallantly...
Booked a slot for driving BTT already. First step out, which is good, though it has been dragged pretty long. Road to acquiring Singapore citizenship in progress, probably by next week will be able to get Singapore passport. April get everything settled, so that I can work in peace or do whatever I want to do in May.
Feeling disappointed that I can't find anybody to go HK with in May. Reasons are: have internships, going elsewhere/gone elsewhere already (money/timing issues), working, not enough mutual friends so parents don't allow, not close enough to go on a trip together, or are still in army. (That's the thing about being the minority who ORDed before the rest) All are valid, but it's just sad. I just need one companion, but that single one is difficult to find. Joe was pretty steady to go with me early June, but nothing is confirmed so shall not be happy yet. Thought of meeting Waihou today since he was free, but failed. Second time. Lesson learnt: whenever he puts something off to decide at a later time, usually the result is a negative. It's ok, again, won't lose a piece of flesh. Talking about this, the section meetup did not happen. Not surprising. What do you expect to stem out from indecisiveness, other (sudden) business to take care of (disorganization), and the queer habit of seeing but not replying to messages (nonparticipation). Seriously I just don't feel like seeing or be reminded of some people now. Sometimes when some people annoy you, you envision everyone the same and you take it out on innocent fellas. Scary. I will keep my composure. Will definitely feel better after this talk-to-myself session.
Watched two game shows and gained some general knowledge. I love general knowledge. Knowledge is power. Shall end off abruptly here because that's all that are running in my head. Hope for a better tomorrow.
Booked a slot for driving BTT already. First step out, which is good, though it has been dragged pretty long. Road to acquiring Singapore citizenship in progress, probably by next week will be able to get Singapore passport. April get everything settled, so that I can work in peace or do whatever I want to do in May.
Feeling disappointed that I can't find anybody to go HK with in May. Reasons are: have internships, going elsewhere/gone elsewhere already (money/timing issues), working, not enough mutual friends so parents don't allow, not close enough to go on a trip together, or are still in army. (That's the thing about being the minority who ORDed before the rest) All are valid, but it's just sad. I just need one companion, but that single one is difficult to find. Joe was pretty steady to go with me early June, but nothing is confirmed so shall not be happy yet. Thought of meeting Waihou today since he was free, but failed. Second time. Lesson learnt: whenever he puts something off to decide at a later time, usually the result is a negative. It's ok, again, won't lose a piece of flesh. Talking about this, the section meetup did not happen. Not surprising. What do you expect to stem out from indecisiveness, other (sudden) business to take care of (disorganization), and the queer habit of seeing but not replying to messages (nonparticipation). Seriously I just don't feel like seeing or be reminded of some people now. Sometimes when some people annoy you, you envision everyone the same and you take it out on innocent fellas. Scary. I will keep my composure. Will definitely feel better after this talk-to-myself session.
Watched two game shows and gained some general knowledge. I love general knowledge. Knowledge is power. Shall end off abruptly here because that's all that are running in my head. Hope for a better tomorrow.
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