Thoughts of Nowadays
I booked in last Sunday morning for duty and just booked out this morning, because I had another duty on Friday. 6 days in camp, sounds agonizing but not really. The past week had been pretty slack; no PT, no clothes drenched with perspiration. Covered for SAFSA annual cross country on Thursday. Spent 12 hours at Lorong Asrama just for a 5km run. The rain came at an ungodly timing, causing the event to be delayed and resulting in me returning camp at 2100 hours. Kind PC helped to buy Mac for dinner, and I appreciated it.
Monday off = sweet. Deployment starts on Tuesday. I have an insatiable greed for luxury. Previously I said I prefer deployment to camp routine, and was looking forward to deployment. Now I find COS duty even better, but unfortunately, this time someone else is taking over the role, so I'm going to JGL and dreading it. I shake head at myself. What the hell, Junwei. Plans keep changing due to some stubborn/indecisive/incognizant people. Thought would be 2 days duty 2 days off, now reverted back to 4 days duty 2 days off. Just feel like cursing and swearing, but at the end of the day still need to comply. September has passed, yet still not in ORD mood. The thought of some high key events in the coming months makes ORD seem so distant. Damn.
I'm quite discombobulated right now. Looking back at my life, I have too many regrets. Oh what the hell, I'm only 20...but still, too many stuff could have been averted. 2 lines in Adele's "Someone Like You" are "Regrets and mistakes they're memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?" I also thought of what a friend said to me last year, words of encouragement to lift my mood sunken by shitty A Level results. But these aren't helping...I guess only passing time will help make things better and only I can get myself out of this harrowing marsh of sadness. Actually this dumb feeling came after I talked to a driver at the medical centre. (Actually they have a euphemism for driver) His name is RZ. Started talking to him last Sunday, because I was providing medical cover. Actually I wasn't supposed to do it, but the medic was late so he asked me to substitute him. Friday I had another duty, so I talked to him again. He shared some of his glorious achievements, from primary school to JC, all the way steady. Plus he is not one of those hardcore muggers. This kind of people earn my respect. I think a significant part of life depends on how you do in school, but still not totally. I was depressed after PSLE, but I am glad to have spent my secondary school days in BP. O Level was the crucial factor, and I missed HC by freaking 2 points. It wasn't that hard, really, but missing it was missing it. Could have gone all out in JC, but everyday was just like going through motions and lacking the drive. Should have totally embraced the reality that since I am here now in AJ, there's nothing I can do but to focus on A Levels. In the end, the "pass one day is one day" attitude cost me. I did have some glory days too, but they have since shadowed by inglorious ones.
However, it was a good talk. Academic stuff was among other topics. He served as a reality check for me. I thank that medic who was late, and thank RZ for being such an inspiration. To me, the perks of entering a prestigious institution outweigh the downsides. Anyway, I should keep this "thinking about the past" thing out of my mind, though it will take a herculean effort. It is a pity that RZ was posted as a driver, all because he dislocated his shoulders before. Probably sometimes when you are too successful you invite divine jealousy. Just kidding. Hope to keep in touch and will look forward to seeing him carve a successful career in the future.
Monday off = sweet. Deployment starts on Tuesday. I have an insatiable greed for luxury. Previously I said I prefer deployment to camp routine, and was looking forward to deployment. Now I find COS duty even better, but unfortunately, this time someone else is taking over the role, so I'm going to JGL and dreading it. I shake head at myself. What the hell, Junwei. Plans keep changing due to some stubborn/indecisive/incognizant people. Thought would be 2 days duty 2 days off, now reverted back to 4 days duty 2 days off. Just feel like cursing and swearing, but at the end of the day still need to comply. September has passed, yet still not in ORD mood. The thought of some high key events in the coming months makes ORD seem so distant. Damn.
I'm quite discombobulated right now. Looking back at my life, I have too many regrets. Oh what the hell, I'm only 20...but still, too many stuff could have been averted. 2 lines in Adele's "Someone Like You" are "Regrets and mistakes they're memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?" I also thought of what a friend said to me last year, words of encouragement to lift my mood sunken by shitty A Level results. But these aren't helping...I guess only passing time will help make things better and only I can get myself out of this harrowing marsh of sadness. Actually this dumb feeling came after I talked to a driver at the medical centre. (Actually they have a euphemism for driver) His name is RZ. Started talking to him last Sunday, because I was providing medical cover. Actually I wasn't supposed to do it, but the medic was late so he asked me to substitute him. Friday I had another duty, so I talked to him again. He shared some of his glorious achievements, from primary school to JC, all the way steady. Plus he is not one of those hardcore muggers. This kind of people earn my respect. I think a significant part of life depends on how you do in school, but still not totally. I was depressed after PSLE, but I am glad to have spent my secondary school days in BP. O Level was the crucial factor, and I missed HC by freaking 2 points. It wasn't that hard, really, but missing it was missing it. Could have gone all out in JC, but everyday was just like going through motions and lacking the drive. Should have totally embraced the reality that since I am here now in AJ, there's nothing I can do but to focus on A Levels. In the end, the "pass one day is one day" attitude cost me. I did have some glory days too, but they have since shadowed by inglorious ones.
However, it was a good talk. Academic stuff was among other topics. He served as a reality check for me. I thank that medic who was late, and thank RZ for being such an inspiration. To me, the perks of entering a prestigious institution outweigh the downsides. Anyway, I should keep this "thinking about the past" thing out of my mind, though it will take a herculean effort. It is a pity that RZ was posted as a driver, all because he dislocated his shoulders before. Probably sometimes when you are too successful you invite divine jealousy. Just kidding. Hope to keep in touch and will look forward to seeing him carve a successful career in the future.
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