An Ordinary Christmas
Merry Christmas world.
Over dinner that day, a friend asked me how I perceive success. I answered, "It is when one is contented or happy with family, career, and health." In that regard, I must say that I am not a successful person.
I shall not delve into details as this is highly personal and I don't want to spread too much negative vibes on this festive occasion.
2019 is coming to an end, or, for greater impact, the decade is coming to an end. Looking back, I have spent too much money on expensive goods this year. Perhaps I was looking at an outlet to seek happiness. The shopping therapy helped, without much negative repercussions. I like those purchases, except for maybe 3 T-shirts for their less than stellar quality. But of course, my pocket is not that deep, so this cannot carry on indefinitely. Rationality has got to be stronger, or else I wouldn't have the financial means when the time for real need calls.
Have been under much pressure lately, with the steady stream of workload pouring in as I steadily try to clear it, and people not helping or making their problems my problems. I also went a little wild over last weekend, when I went to KL to attend a colleague's wedding and averaged on 4 hours of sleep per day. This proved detrimental, as I started feeling feverish on Monday. Despite so, I still stayed till 9pm to clear as much work as possible. But after that I really felt like shit. Wasted 90+ bucks to consult a doctor who only prescribed paracetamol and desloratadine. Should've gone for consultation the following day instead to save the extra charge. The doctor wrote a memo for me to go A&E, and refused to issue me an MC because of my medical history. It was quite appalling. Anyway, I chose not to listen to him and went to another clinic to get my MC. I shared with this second doctor, who is much more senior, and asked for his opinion. He thought there was no need to push the panic button just yet, and I could continue to observe the symptoms.
I kind of dislike young doctors hastily jumping into the worst case scenarios, and this is a recurring incident. I know he had my welfare at heart and wanted to totally eliminate the possibility that the fever was the effect of a more severe underlying problem. However, this is not the first time I have had fever since remission, and I have been returning to the hospital for blood test every 2 months. I wouldn't blame the young doctor if what he feared might actually be true. I also wouldn't regret not heeding his advice as I am the one who chose to gamble. Should something aggravate right smack between my last blood test in November and the next in January, I guess it is just destiny. What must happen will happen right?
I've always told people that blogging depends a lot on inspiration or organisation of thoughts. That's true, and this post is one of the hardest to pen to date. Despite the misery I'm facing, I'm still keeping my hope alight. As Stephen King puts it in Shawshank Redemption, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."
Over dinner that day, a friend asked me how I perceive success. I answered, "It is when one is contented or happy with family, career, and health." In that regard, I must say that I am not a successful person.
I shall not delve into details as this is highly personal and I don't want to spread too much negative vibes on this festive occasion.
2019 is coming to an end, or, for greater impact, the decade is coming to an end. Looking back, I have spent too much money on expensive goods this year. Perhaps I was looking at an outlet to seek happiness. The shopping therapy helped, without much negative repercussions. I like those purchases, except for maybe 3 T-shirts for their less than stellar quality. But of course, my pocket is not that deep, so this cannot carry on indefinitely. Rationality has got to be stronger, or else I wouldn't have the financial means when the time for real need calls.
Have been under much pressure lately, with the steady stream of workload pouring in as I steadily try to clear it, and people not helping or making their problems my problems. I also went a little wild over last weekend, when I went to KL to attend a colleague's wedding and averaged on 4 hours of sleep per day. This proved detrimental, as I started feeling feverish on Monday. Despite so, I still stayed till 9pm to clear as much work as possible. But after that I really felt like shit. Wasted 90+ bucks to consult a doctor who only prescribed paracetamol and desloratadine. Should've gone for consultation the following day instead to save the extra charge. The doctor wrote a memo for me to go A&E, and refused to issue me an MC because of my medical history. It was quite appalling. Anyway, I chose not to listen to him and went to another clinic to get my MC. I shared with this second doctor, who is much more senior, and asked for his opinion. He thought there was no need to push the panic button just yet, and I could continue to observe the symptoms.
I kind of dislike young doctors hastily jumping into the worst case scenarios, and this is a recurring incident. I know he had my welfare at heart and wanted to totally eliminate the possibility that the fever was the effect of a more severe underlying problem. However, this is not the first time I have had fever since remission, and I have been returning to the hospital for blood test every 2 months. I wouldn't blame the young doctor if what he feared might actually be true. I also wouldn't regret not heeding his advice as I am the one who chose to gamble. Should something aggravate right smack between my last blood test in November and the next in January, I guess it is just destiny. What must happen will happen right?
I've always told people that blogging depends a lot on inspiration or organisation of thoughts. That's true, and this post is one of the hardest to pen to date. Despite the misery I'm facing, I'm still keeping my hope alight. As Stephen King puts it in Shawshank Redemption, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."
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