New Company, New Faces
As what many people perceive, I am a taciturn person. I think I am, but not quite. I am more of a listener, but when compelled or when the need arises, words can gush out my mouth. Catharsis of emotions and thoughts. Very often in camp, especially when I lie on my bed, my mind starts to wander off like an uncontrollable and rampant racehorse. I think about friendship, my academic achievements and my current state of life. The cumbersome thoughts might be what have been keeping me reticent.
I must say I am mentally lethargic, though it sounds ridiculous because I have not even hit the halfway mark of service. The people around me are seriously an interesting bunch. I have no problems asking them for help and there are no conflicts between us, but there is this certain connection that is difficult to establish. Two of my section mates have this ideology of "brothers". To them, a brother is like someone who speaks and acts like them, regardless of right or wrong. For example, they like to lose themselves in their smartphones, and only go and take showers after lights off. Thereafter, they will talk until it's considerably way past lights off timing before finally going to sleep. They cut short their own sleeping time, make themselves tired, reluctant to wake up in the morning, resulting in insufficient time to wash up, fall in late, and get everyone reprimanded or punished. I hate getting punished when I am innocent, but that's how things work. I am forced to sleep later because they don't bother to lower their voices or move about or handle things in a more cautious manner, generating noises. To me, brothers are there to help one another improve, to be more sensible and sensitive, looking deeper into what's better for others. To go totally by the book is dull and mundane. Sometimes you can sleep later for instance, cause you got something to share and you cannot wait till tomorrow, but I think they lack awareness of what's truly good and to do things in moderation, not over the top.
There was this night when there were only me and one other section mate in bunk. That night we slept later than usual as I talked to him and introduced some songs. He listened to "I Knew I Loved You" as I told. According to him, it was a good song. He replayed it and commented that the melody is relaxing and is a good song to listen to before dozing off to dreamland. However, the next day, and the day after, and days after until now, I NO LONGER hear him play ANY off the songs I told him before. Instead, the 3 section mates of mine enjoy blasting "Don't You Worry Child" and "We'll Be Coming Back" everyday. Put on repeat. Singalong. I wonder why they wouldn't get sick of it, seriously. Since they have such high level of tolerance, they should not get sick of army, and will continue to abide by the rules? No, not the case. The guy who I shared music with the other night, I don't know where he has disappeared to. Call this guy A.
So, by making effort to talk to A, it probably shows that I am not an introvert. But is it that birds of the same feather really flock together? He rarely asks me questions, simple things like what attire to wear for the next day. Instead, he will ask this guy, call him D. D is an unkempt, uncivilised, hypocritical, insensitive, vulgar guy who likes to procrastinate and portrays a lackadaisical attitude at all times. Another guy, B, also directs his questions at D. It might not be true but I observe that D is not really reliable and sometimes he replies in a very patronising manner which A and B never noticed, maybe because they thought D would not be like this. I don't really see him going the extra mile to render his help. Well, he lends A and B stuff when they asked for it, but that's completely commonplace. A bit higher level, say D sees B's shirt drop from the hanger, he doesn't pick it up. The trio communicates frequently. Maybe A and B do not ask me questions because they don't really see me as one of them but, that's funny and extreme. Yesterday A asked D what is the meaning of "thrust". D explained "move in and out". Not quite correct, but A was delighted with his answer probably because it matched the context. Then A praised D for being capable. Another joke.
Some people may be like good buddies one moment, then one may talk bad about the other the next moment. I can't help but think if the friendships established are indeed sturdy. Ending with a brighter note, I still managed to find some people who I can talk "at the same frequency" with. I am contented with that few.
Sometimes I can't help but to feel proud. But then when I feel proud, I feel ashamed. Comparing with those who are worse off, you feel consoled. But not forget there are much outstanding ones out there, and comparing with them, you might totally be thrashed. I guess if I had scored like aces and a single B, I would have been in SCS at least. I would like to be in an environment where I can find people more similar to me. Damn, this is so hard to put things across without being offensive. But in a nutshell, I believe in 天生我材必有用 (All beings are good for something) and that life would have been better if people around have higher discipline and have that sense of mutual understanding, share the same thoughts, have that connection. Then, I would have that energy to tide over anything that comes, just like in BMT, not feeling low and live with plummeted morale each day.
There is a new stand, that we medics would need to participate in all physical trainings. Once thought I could live a life of a coy medic, being able to sleep till late morning, don't need to do exercises, can go to the canteen anytime...but now, all hopes are dashed. Although the coy medic has left, new rules came. He was blessed while we are not quite. Destined to not live a laid-back life in army.
Ok the night is no longer that young and I shall go to bed. Happy Chinese New Year and I shall enjoy myself before I return to that darned place.
I must say I am mentally lethargic, though it sounds ridiculous because I have not even hit the halfway mark of service. The people around me are seriously an interesting bunch. I have no problems asking them for help and there are no conflicts between us, but there is this certain connection that is difficult to establish. Two of my section mates have this ideology of "brothers". To them, a brother is like someone who speaks and acts like them, regardless of right or wrong. For example, they like to lose themselves in their smartphones, and only go and take showers after lights off. Thereafter, they will talk until it's considerably way past lights off timing before finally going to sleep. They cut short their own sleeping time, make themselves tired, reluctant to wake up in the morning, resulting in insufficient time to wash up, fall in late, and get everyone reprimanded or punished. I hate getting punished when I am innocent, but that's how things work. I am forced to sleep later because they don't bother to lower their voices or move about or handle things in a more cautious manner, generating noises. To me, brothers are there to help one another improve, to be more sensible and sensitive, looking deeper into what's better for others. To go totally by the book is dull and mundane. Sometimes you can sleep later for instance, cause you got something to share and you cannot wait till tomorrow, but I think they lack awareness of what's truly good and to do things in moderation, not over the top.
There was this night when there were only me and one other section mate in bunk. That night we slept later than usual as I talked to him and introduced some songs. He listened to "I Knew I Loved You" as I told. According to him, it was a good song. He replayed it and commented that the melody is relaxing and is a good song to listen to before dozing off to dreamland. However, the next day, and the day after, and days after until now, I NO LONGER hear him play ANY off the songs I told him before. Instead, the 3 section mates of mine enjoy blasting "Don't You Worry Child" and "We'll Be Coming Back" everyday. Put on repeat. Singalong. I wonder why they wouldn't get sick of it, seriously. Since they have such high level of tolerance, they should not get sick of army, and will continue to abide by the rules? No, not the case. The guy who I shared music with the other night, I don't know where he has disappeared to. Call this guy A.
So, by making effort to talk to A, it probably shows that I am not an introvert. But is it that birds of the same feather really flock together? He rarely asks me questions, simple things like what attire to wear for the next day. Instead, he will ask this guy, call him D. D is an unkempt, uncivilised, hypocritical, insensitive, vulgar guy who likes to procrastinate and portrays a lackadaisical attitude at all times. Another guy, B, also directs his questions at D. It might not be true but I observe that D is not really reliable and sometimes he replies in a very patronising manner which A and B never noticed, maybe because they thought D would not be like this. I don't really see him going the extra mile to render his help. Well, he lends A and B stuff when they asked for it, but that's completely commonplace. A bit higher level, say D sees B's shirt drop from the hanger, he doesn't pick it up. The trio communicates frequently. Maybe A and B do not ask me questions because they don't really see me as one of them but, that's funny and extreme. Yesterday A asked D what is the meaning of "thrust". D explained "move in and out". Not quite correct, but A was delighted with his answer probably because it matched the context. Then A praised D for being capable. Another joke.
Some people may be like good buddies one moment, then one may talk bad about the other the next moment. I can't help but think if the friendships established are indeed sturdy. Ending with a brighter note, I still managed to find some people who I can talk "at the same frequency" with. I am contented with that few.
Sometimes I can't help but to feel proud. But then when I feel proud, I feel ashamed. Comparing with those who are worse off, you feel consoled. But not forget there are much outstanding ones out there, and comparing with them, you might totally be thrashed. I guess if I had scored like aces and a single B, I would have been in SCS at least. I would like to be in an environment where I can find people more similar to me. Damn, this is so hard to put things across without being offensive. But in a nutshell, I believe in 天生我材必有用 (All beings are good for something) and that life would have been better if people around have higher discipline and have that sense of mutual understanding, share the same thoughts, have that connection. Then, I would have that energy to tide over anything that comes, just like in BMT, not feeling low and live with plummeted morale each day.
There is a new stand, that we medics would need to participate in all physical trainings. Once thought I could live a life of a coy medic, being able to sleep till late morning, don't need to do exercises, can go to the canteen anytime...but now, all hopes are dashed. Although the coy medic has left, new rules came. He was blessed while we are not quite. Destined to not live a laid-back life in army.
Ok the night is no longer that young and I shall go to bed. Happy Chinese New Year and I shall enjoy myself before I return to that darned place.
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